Why I Don’t Like Anything That’s Free

In an attempt to be polite, we often don’t say what we really mean. When I was paying for my groceries last week I signaled the cashier with my credit card I was planning to pay with plastic. She turned the debit/credit machine towards me and said “whenever you’re ready”. Maybe it’s because English is only my second language, but it made me pause for a bit to reflect on her words. Too long apparently, because she got a little restless, took the card from my hands and swiped it for me. I guess “whenever you’re ready” doesn’t really mean “whenever” – the polite invitation has an unexpected expiry date after all. Sorry for missing the fine print.

There’s more tricky fine print while shopping: I don’t like anything that’s free*. The asterisk implies there’s more to follow, for example a laundry list of conditions that explain why I don’t qualify for the offer, or why it’s not really free to begin with. Like a free hot tub, but you have to buy the million dollar home first. Most times the f…