The Traveller’s Paradox
Why I fall in love with places… and still keep moving
There’s a moment that seems to happen on almost every trip, usually somewhere between the second margarita and the last sunset: everything feels just right. The light hits differently, time slows down a bit, and for a brief second I catch myself thinking: I could live here.
I have that moment on almost every trip. Buenos Aires, Rome, Paris, New York, and yes (for a very brief moment) even Toronto - I could picture myself living there.
Tulum definitely had that moment. The beach, the warm evenings, the rhythm of days that don’t really need a plan. While you’re on vacation, it’s easy to get swept into that feeling. Like a quiet thought that shows up uninvited and sits down for a bit.
And then, just as naturally, the thought fades again. Not because the place isn’t special, but because there is a difference between visiting a feeling and building a life inside it.
The Difference Between a Vibe and a Life
Travel has a subtle psychological trick built into it. In my book, I’ve called it a catalyst for personal growth. You remove everything familiar, and start exploring with a blank slate.
It makes a destination feel bigger than it actually is. More complete. More permanent. The separation between real life and visiting somewhere disappears a little. When travelling, almost everything I experience is curated, and intentional.
But living somewhere is different. It includes grocery runs, utility bills, routines, responsibilities, and all the parts that don’t make it into a highlight reel. The same beach that feels magical on day four becomes background noise after a few months for most people. The rhythm that feels relaxing might start to feel limiting.
Recognizing that in real time has become part of how I travel. I don’t push the thought away when it shows up. I just let it settle back into reality. It’s also become part of how I live my life by experience: even as an immigrant in Canada and recent transplant to Vancouver, I still try to seek out those “touristy” experiences that most people only get to experience once in a lifetime. I get to live in it.
Why I Rarely Go Back
Near the last day of almost every trip, I always say I’ll come back. I usually don’t.
Not because the place didn’t matter, but because something else calls my attention before I get the chance. Another destination, another curiosity, another experience I haven’t had yet.
That’s the traveller’s paradox:
It’s falling in love with places, while curiosity keeps pulling you somewhere new.
Over time, I’ve stopped making return plans and started building a quiet “maybe someday” list instead. Places I’d happily revisit, without needing to commit to it.
Tulum is on that list now. But so are Buenos Aires, Santiago, Lima, Paris, Rome, London, New York, New Orleans, … (yes, this list goes on for a while).
The First Trip Is Discovery. The Second Is Different
The first visit to a new place is all about discovery. Figuring things out and getting a feel for how it works. There’s a bit of friction, but that’s part of the experience. Once I figure out a supermarket for something to eat and a bottle (or box) of wine, I’m happy and the settling in has started.1
If I ever go back and revisit a destination, the second trip is different. Everything feels easier, and maybe a little more relaxed. I already know where to go, what to avoid, how the place moves. It becomes less about finding my place and more about enjoying it.
But if that second visit never happens, that’s fine too. There’s something nice about leaving a place exactly as it was experienced the first time. Untouched, and complete.
Get Into Action
If you’ve ever had that feeling of wanting to stay somewhere, or wondering why you don’t go back as often as you think you will, you’re not doing travel wrong. You’re just experiencing it fully. That’s exactly what I explore in The Freedom Project: Travel, where I break down how to travel in a way that actually adds to your life instead of pulling you away from it.
If you’re ready to take the next step, request a free preview to my all-inclusive travel hacking program The Travel Revolution below. I’d love to have you on board.
Further reading
In a way I’m like a cat that is let out of the house for the first time. At first they’re a little scared and tend to run back to the safety of the house, but as the hours and days progress it’ll stray further and further, getting more excited about the adventures the day will bring. Full story here.