The Truth About Authenticity: You Can’t Not Be Yourself
Everyone who ever told me to be more authentic actually didn’t know me.
The only people who ever told me to be more authentic, actually didn’t know me. In reality, you can’t not be yourself.
Let’s start with some serious food for thought. The pressure to "be yourself" can sometimes feel like an obligation rather than a more natural state of being. The idea of authenticity is often misunderstood. But here’s the truth: you can’t not be yourself. Hear me out.
Playing Roles Isn’t Fake – It’s Necessary
We all play different roles in life. You’re a friend, a partner, a coworker, a teammate. The issues arise when you confuse these roles. For example:
Sexual comments or advances at work? Frowned upon.
Managing your family like a business? That’s a fast track to relationship disaster.
But that doesn’t mean playing roles is bad. It means they have a time and place. I love running marathons, but I move much slower than marathon pace when “running” from meeting to meeting at work. The conversations I have with my running friends differ from those I share with my Harley Davidson crew. And that’s okay. It’s not about being inauthentic; it’s about context.
The Importance of Disconnecting
In a world where social media makes it feel like we must always be "on," it’s okay to step back. You don’t need to display your “authentic” self for the world to see, 24/7. Taking time for yourself, without the need to prove or showcase anything, is crucial. Authenticity has nothing to do with others—it’s about you.
This applies not just to individuals but to corporate culture as well. A company’s values aren’t a list of fancy words on a website; they’re simply the observable behaviours of the people within it. Culture is how people act when they think nobody is watching.
No matter how hard you try with vision statements or social media posts, you can’t NOT be yourself - but you already knew that.
You can’t love yourself if you’re trying to get rid of half of who you are. You are both-sided. The more polarized your perspective, the more stress you feel. Emotions exist as feedback mechanisms, guiding you toward authenticity. The stronger your emotional reaction, the further off-track you might be from living your true life.
Seeing Yourself in Others
Ever admire or resent something in someone else? That’s because you own that trait too, just as much as they do. It may not always be obvious, but nothing in your soul is missing. Sometimes, we’re either too proud or too humble to admit that we recognize ourselves in others.
This is why all learning is recollection. The things we react to most—whether positively or negatively—mirror something within us. Instead of resisting it, try asking: How does this serve me? Even if it seems negative, if it’s still present in your life, it has a role. The things that don’t serve you eventually fade away.
Understanding this balance softens judgment and ultimately shifts the story you tell about yourself. It’s a step toward resilience, self-acceptance, and a deeper understanding of authenticity.
Get Into Action
In today’s hyperconnected world, there’s constant pressure to share everything. But it’s okay if you’re not okay with that. Not everyone deserves access to your inner world. Show your true colors only to true people.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ~ Bernard Baruch
At the end of the day, you don’t have to "try" to be authentic. You already are.
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